What the hell.

This week I'm studying for tests. Quel fucking surprise.

Also today I saw some real jerk steal a busker's tip jar and run away. The girl busking with her guitar hauled ass after the little punk, but sadly I think he got away with it.

It made me feel really sad on the inside.

This is depressing.

Lately I've been turned on to "The Long Way Around" starring Ewan McGreggor and his friend Charlie Borgman who are riding their motorcycles around the world. God it makes my life seem so mundane.

I used to fancy myself quite the adventurous person. I've come to realise that I'm only adventurous when it comes to living in new countries and trying new foods. I'm also fairly adventurous if someone else plans it or someone else pays for it, as I'll go along with mostly any plans so long as it doesn't involve missing school, excessive exercise, spending money, or getting ludicrously drunk at unsociable hours.

In my old age, the prime hours for me to have a few glasses of wine or beer are from noon to 8pm. Anytime after that, my face goes bright red, I start stressing out that I'm getting rosacea and I just want to go to bed, not necessarily in that order.

I'm on my 2nd week of a fairly restrictive diet to try and figure out if I have any allergies. That means I haven't had a drink in a week, which isn't such a big deal for me. What IS a big deal is that I haven't had dairy, potatoes, bread, tomatoes, pasta, peppers, red meat, eggs or soy products. I basically have smoothies with almond milk, brown rice, vegetables and chicken and fish. The best discovery was brown rice chips which are AWESOME paired with creamy hummus. I love that even in the middle of a detox diet I can find junk food.

In other news I ate a gluten free pizza pizza pizza last night with Nav and Ben. Interesting...the first one came with cheese by accident, so I pretended I didn't notice and ate a piece. Oops! We called. We got another free pizza which is pretty amazing. Too bad it tastes slightly chewy and tarty. Meh.

This blog is unedited and quite crap, but I just wanted to catch some of you up before I start posting regularly again.

xo!

Where's all my stuff?

I seem to have lost all my favourite jewellery. Why I didn't notice until now... either way. I think I left it in England somewhere.

Not having a job is starting to take its toll on me. I really want new stuff, but that's just not feasible. I'd love to get my friends birthday gifts, but I can barely afford rent and food.

Life is tough. I'd better start playing the lottery.

A large majority of people that live in Leslieville are stupid.

In my new line of work, its important to be very open-minded and patient. Its also important to reserve judgement. Variety is the spice of life. Delight in the colourfulness of our world. But even as the guru of acceptance and tolerance, there are some things that are not okay.

Tango Palace, the shittiest coffee shop in Leslieville. The staff/owners are rude. The shop itself is Edgar Allan Poe'esque; a dark cavernous space with heavy velvet curtains and unbalanced pedestal tables all crammed into 350 sq/ft. The coffee is mediocre at best, and although they advertise that they serve Kicking Horse Coffee, they actually have their "own blend", which I'm convinced is a mixture of whatever the good coffeeshops throw out. I have given it a fair chance. Their lemonade is good in the summer, despite being grossly overpriced. But their hot chocolate tastes of milky sugar, and that's about it. I gave up on coffee their after asking for a wet cappuccino, to which silver anorexic man told me that there is no such thing. I was like, "fine, a foamy latte". Apparently that doesn't exist either. So I got a "normal" latte, which was scalded milk with a hint of burnt coffee flavour. I could have made it better myself using old coffee grounds and skim milk.

What would you say if I told you this place was packed out from 7am-9pm EVERYDAY. And not just with uncultured people that know nothing about coffee. Young, creative types with macbooks and dark rimmed glasses! Even they go there for coffee! Even the poorer population in my neighbourhood doesn't seem to have a problem spending $4 on a TERRIBLE cuppa joe. It boggles my mind. I'm convinced there's something going on in there I don't know about. Something that keeps them coming back for more. Or maybe...everyone there is trying to figure out the same thing. So they're spending countless hours at Tango Palace trying to figure out why the other people are there. Vicious cycle, you know?

Either that, or white people know SHIT about coffee. There. I said it. This place is no hubbub of culture, let me tell you.

Just down the road there is Mercury (awesome), Dark Horse (awesome) and in the other direction, Red Rocket (pretty good) and Ideal Coffee (awesome and cool).

And although I'll never understand, I will continue to be intrigued.

Sweeeeet Emotions.

One hundred bucks says I've probably already used this title on one of my blogs. If not, its been a subject line in an email to/from Chloe, a song stuck in my head for over a week or just something I'm burdened with as an emotionally available 21st century woman.

So lately things have been weird. I'm not used to full time school, I'm surprisingly not used to being on my own so much, and I'm definitely not used to my lack of social encounters, except for the often unwelcome school sociability. But instead of visiting Freakoutsville, I figured I'd pack my bags and move to Copetown.

Believe it or not, Copetown exists. Not only is it going to be my new analogy for dealing with tough situations, but its actually a little rural town somewhere in between London and Toronto. If I had a car, I swear I'd use it as my getaway destination whenever I started getting overwhelmed. Until then, its going to have to be a place I visit in my dreams.

I imagine Copetown to be full of little rivers with quaint park benches where you can watch life drift by. There are cherry blossom trees that line the water that are always in bloom. And when they shed their tiny petals, its like sitting in the middle of a warm and fragrant snow storm. And with each velvety petal that caresses your skin on its descent, you can feel your troubles being carried with it, down the river, and washed away into the sea.

In Copetown, no one asks you about diaphragmatic breathing or how much you've studied for the palpation exam. And when you sit all alone on that park bench, you never feel as though the world has left you behind.

Because in Copetown you realise there is not much more to life than to inhale and to exhale. There is nothing more valuable then patience and contentment. And it becomes very clear that whatever happens will happen, and that its a more pleasant journey if you can just smile and accept it for what it is.

Physics makes us all its bitches.

Can't get enough of this song. Its only new to me, not the rest of the world. But the video is awesome. It'll probably make you dance, be warned.

Auld age.

Ever since I turned 30, I've felt older. That's not just an obvious statement of fact, either. I notice that I don't get checked out as often, that I'm constantly trying to figure out an angle to get my mojo back. I know what you're thinking, "but McKinley, you're in a committed relationship, who cares if guys check you out?" I still want to be sought after if only to boost my confidence. Jeez.

And so, like many other times of old, I am going to attempt a healthy diet. Lean meats, grilled veg, lots of water... very exciting times. I might wait until Ben goes on tour with Birds of Wales though. Its much easier to control your diet when you're only cooking for yourself.

In other news, it feels like spring outside. Today is family day, which is a cheap excuse for a bank holiday in Canada. Nothing is open, which is great for retail employees, but not so great for the rest of us who need to do get groceries for the impending healthy week to come.

I really want to go on a vacation to London. I miss my friends there, and Ben's family. But unfortunately when you don't have a job, all bank transactions are outgoing. Its weird to not have any money coming in. Again, seems quite obvious that if you're not making money, you're finances will only decrease, but in practice it feels strange and wrong yet somewhat liberating. I almost feel like I'm above the material dependant- not in a "I'm better than you" way, but in a "I've transcended the compulsion to spend any excess on useless shit". Sure I want some new clothes and maybe some fancy snacks. But do I need them? Not really.

Instead, my next trip is to Buffalo for Lisa's birthday. Its so nice to have a tight-knit group of girlfriends to spend time with.